Snow White on Crack
by D3athrav3n92
Summary: Snow White, with the DC Characters in it! Mostly crack, but fairly entertaining! AokoXKaito/Kaitou Kid 1412 Mild swearing


**Well hello everybody! This popped into my head while watching snow white the other day- hope you like it!**

**Here's the cast:**

**Snow White: Aoko**

**Evil Queen: Akako**

**Evil Guards: Gin, Vodka, and other BO operatives**

**Seven dwarves/woodcutters: Conan, Shinichi, Kaito, Hakuba, Heiji, Ariade, and Akai**

**Charmingly handsome prince: Kaitou Kid**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan or Snow White. I have no idea of who invented Snow White, and I don't wanna know (I hate the disney version of it). Gosho Aoyama owns Detective Conan. I merely force them to be my slaves and reinact these- it's very entertaining.**

* * *

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" Akako fanned herself as she glared at her crystal ball.

"I'm a crystal ball, not a mirror, m'lady." The crystal sphere retorted back. Akako fixed it with an icy stare. It sweatdropped. "Alright, alright! I do believe that it is Snow White."

"Snow White?" Akako paced the room, fanning herself furiously. "I should be the prettiest and the fairest! All boys should be my slaves due to my charm and prettiness!" She said coldly.

"I'm sorry-"

"No. Even if you do change your mind, it will be too late. Guards!" She yelled, raising her voice. Her guards approached her, all wearing black. One approached her, a man with long silver hair and a cold gleam to his eyes.

"Yes, my queen?" He asked in an icy monotone, giving her an elegant bow. She glared at him, pointing at the door.

"Go and find this Snow White." She spat. "Do whatever it takes to make her disappear." Gin smiled, his eyeteeth glinting as he bowed even lower. He loved it when his queen did this.

"Right away, my Queen." He said formally, performed another sweeping bow, and led the troops out the door.

* * *

Aoko hummed to herself, plucking a white rose from the trailing rose vine on her balcony and placing it gently into her unruly locks of dark brown hair. 

"Snow white, there have been some sightings of the Phantom thief around here. Your father has gone to investigate it." A servant said, bowing. She scowled. She hated it when she was called Snow White. She didn't even know how she got that name in the first place.

"I don't care about that thief." She snapped. She hated that Kaitou Kid, always running around and taunting her father. The servant shrugged, and left her to brood over the thief's actions. Thanks to her father's position in the King's guards, he was sent to investigate and catch the thief.

She glared at the roses around her, failing to notice the shapes of black approaching her from behind. Vodka quietly raised a large potato sack…

And they pounced! She screamed, and tried to whatever she could to get the bag off of her, but to no avail.

"Quick, let's quickly take her into the forest and finish the job." Gin said urgently, and the other nodded.

"Yes, aniki." He said, and they tied off the bag, with Snow White inside.

"Let me go!" She screamed, thrashing around in the bag. She was not one to be put down by a kidnapping, and to submit easily. But Gin and Vodka didn't reply, other than roughly dragging the bag down the stairs.

* * *

The Kaitou Kid shook his head as he watched the kidnappers. He would have done a much cleaner job. Heck, the servants would not have even noticed that she would be missing. Not that he had tried it… (ahem) But nevertheless, he kept an eye on the two would-be kidnappers, even to the point of following them. With a smirk and a quiet chuckle, he followed them to the forest. 

"How shall we kill her, aniki?" Vodka asked, shifting his sunglasses a little nervously. Gin laughed harshly.

"The traditional way. Giving her to the crocodiles, what else?"

"That would be good, but there's always the chance she could escape." Kid called in a flawless imitation of Gin's voice. Gin whipped out a gun, and swung about furiously, seeking the imposter.

"Show yourself!" He demanded, grey eyes glinting. Kid only laughed, and in a impressive imitation of Vodka, he chuckled.

"And why, aniki, would I do that?" Vodka colored furiously under his hat and sunglasses.

"I'll get him, aniki!" He exclaimed, running forward. Before they knew it, Vodka was on the ground, knocked unconscious with an anesthetic dart. Gin swore, and when he heard a crackle of breaking wood in the distance, he swung around. But alas, it was too late. A dart pierced his neck, and he swayed.

"Damn…" he muttered, and shot himself in the foot. But even that didn't work as he dropped to the floor, sleeping peacefully. Kid chuckled, gassed the princess in the bag, bandaged the villain's foot, and dashed off, taking the sleeping Aoko with him.

* * *

There was the sound of chopping wood in the forest. A small figure kicked a tree, splintering it in seconds as a mirror image of the boy, just older, finished the job (and no, these are actually not dwarves, if you don't count the boy. He just hasn't hit his growth spurt yet, much to his annoyance). The boy, Conan Edogawa, adjusted his glasses, looking around warily. 

"Get back to work, kid." His mirror image said, annoyed. He was tired, hungry, and grumpy as his stomach rumbled. Conan glared at him.

"Sorry, but no shit, Sherlock." He told the teen. Kudou Shinichi glared at him. Off in the distance, a tanned face watched them in amusement as he attacked a tree with a kendo sword. Hattori Heiji knew the relationship between the two, and he always enjoyed the verbal wars between them. Hakuba straightened from chopping wood and frowned at the two.

"Oh damn, they're at it again?!" He asked in exasperation. Heiji nodded, an amused smirk forming on his lips. Hakuba Saguru scowled. "Bugger." He swore, and chopped away with a newfound strength, and swore again when he cut himself.

Dr. Ariade hurried up to him, band-aid at the ready. Hakuba took it with thanks, sucking on his hand.

"My my, Hakuba-kun, did you hurt yourself?" He jumped as another clone of Shinichi and Conan emerged from the trees, grinning. Hakuba glared at him as Kuroba Kaito's grin grew wider as he watched the two. "They're at it again, aren't they?" he asked. Hakuba and Heiji sweatdropped, while Ariade laughed nervously.

"Kaito-kun, what exactly are you planning?" He asked, and Kaito grinned wickedly. The others took a step back from him, while the other two continued to argue.

"Whatever you're doing, make them shut up." Said a man, leaning against the trees and smoking a cigarette. "They're getting to the point that it's annoying." Kaito saluted; a goofy smile on his face.

"Right-o, Akai-chan!" He cheered, and scampered off towards the other two. Akai scowled. Because of his 'happy' disposition, Kaito had dubbed him Akai-chan. But he watched Kaito with interest. He knew that Kaito had something going on behind his back, but he didn't pursue it. The magician trotted up to the bickering detectives, grinning somewhat maniacally now.

"And now…!" he announced dramatically. He whipped out a cloth, and placed it on Shinichi's head. "Voila!" he cheered, whipping it off. Shinichi stood there, his hair dyed entirely pink with miniature soccer balls patterned in his hair. Conan gaped, before bursting out into laughter. But that laughter soon faded as Kaito rounded on the small boy, turning his clothes into a panda bear costume. Soon, both Conan and Shinichi were looking at their clone with something akin to anger. Kaito grinned, waved cheerily, and vanished in a puff smoke.

"KUROBA!!!!"

As they were chasing the magician around, when Conan tripped, Shinichi stumbling over him. They landed in a heap, and Conan swore. Kaito shook a finger at the small detective. "Tsk Tsk, little kids shouldn't swear." This caused Conan to produce more swear words that killed all the vegetation nearby, as well as turning the air blue. Shinichi examined the source that made their faces get acquainted with the ground. "Hey, there's someone in it."

"Really?" Kaito asked innocently. Conan and Shinichi glared at him. THEY knew about his night job, and Hakuba suspected, but they weren't going to blow that with Akai nearby. It was strange. What Shinichi knew, Conan knew. What Conan knew, Shinichi knew- it was almost as if they were connected by some force.

Heiji grabbed the bag. "Let's open it then!" He exclaimed, hot-headed as ever, and opened the bag before anyone could protest.

Out came a furious Aoko that was NOT too happy with being kidnapped, then given a sleeping gas to put her asleep. "Stay away!" She growled, grabbing the closest thing near her, which, ironically, happened to be a mop. Why a mop was out there, they didn't know. The others glanced at Kaito, who looked away innocently, whistling.

"Everyone." They glanced at Akai, who was watching Aoko warily. "Run!" He sprinted off, the others following close behind. Ariade grabbed his first aid kit, just in case the princess did some damage, before dodging under the mop and catching up to the others. They all ran home, with Snow White right on their tails, swinging her mop viciously.

* * *

When Akako had gotten word that Gin and Vodka failed, she decided to finish the matter herself. So, she grabbed the darkest, most evil looking cloak in her wardrobe, grabbed the most poisonous apple in her stocks, and set out to find the wild princess…

* * *

Aoko sat at the table, drumming her fingers as she watched the others cook her food. "I'm not getting any younger!" She snapped. The men quickened their activities as Conan took orders. 

In the kitchen, Shinichi issued commands. "Get some chicken curry ready! She says that she's not getting any younger! Hattori, go grab some ice cream from the freezer! Kuroba, don't you dare place that skeleton hand in the pie!"

Kaito pouted. "Aww, Kudou, come on…" he trailed off at Shinichi's blue glare. Finally, he contented himself with putting confetti into the curry while Shinichi's back was turned.

Finally, the food was brought out, but Snow White disciplined them strictly. She only allowed them a morsel of food for each of them, and made them sing and dance for her (in Conan and Shinichi's case, dance, since they killed birds every time they uttered a note).

Soon, there was a knock on the door. Kaito stopped playing his miniature violin as they all turned to the door.

"Must be the wind." Heiji commented dryly, slouching in his chair, staring at his plate as though it was going to give him food any second now. The others nodded in agreement, and continued to entertain their guest.

Akako stood at the door, furious. "How dare they-" She muttered, and burst into the door, followed by Gin and Vodka. Shinichi and Conan turned pale, while Akai drew his gun. Akako scowled. "Where's Snow White?" She demanded. She was pointed in the right direction as Shinichi and Conan ran for their lives, and as Akai charged at the two men in black. Heiji, Ariade, and Hakuba watched, mouths agape. Kaito turned his sharp eyes on the princess as the queen gave her the apple. She took one bite, and fell into unconsciousness, the apple bit lodged in her throat. Kaito panicked.

"NOOOOOOOO!" He roared, and dashed towards her, shaking her, but nothing seemed to work. Ariade hurried forward, trying CPR, but that didn't work either. He also tried shocking her, injecting her with morphine, and some other medical stuff, but that didn't seem to work at all. Finally, he gave up. He turned his attention to Conan, who had gotten shot in the arm. Strangely, Shinichi was also gripping his arm in pain as blood leaked out. They really were strange.

Gin's face was contorted in glee. "Well, if it isn't our first guinea pig!" He chortled, hefting his gun crazily. "How do you like your other self, brat?" He shot again, but it whizzed past Conan's head as Akai shot him, quickly disposing the other cronie in black.

The others stared at Conan and Shinichi, except for Kaito and Heiji, since they already knew. Conan waved weakly.

"Hey guys-"

"So you finally found out." Shinichi finished with a lopsided grin. They looked at Snow White. Kaito was crying.

"We n-need to b-bury her…" He cried. It was all an act. He knew that she wasn't really dead. Hakuba nodded.

"I'd hate to agree with you Kuroba, but I think you're right." He rose gravely. "But not underground. Let's put her in a glass coffin, so that everyone would be able to see how pretty she is."

Heiji shot an evil look at the half-brit. "You like her, don't you?" He teased. Hakuba blushed, along with Kaito.

"No I don't!" They both shouted, and they blinked at each other. Conan snickered.

"Looks like you have some competition, Kuroba." He snickered, Shinichi doing exactly the same. They scowled.

* * *

The Queen had disappeared, and good riddance too. Akai would have killed her too. So Snow White was placed in a glass coffin, and set in a grove of trees, sunlight bouncing off the glass. Hakuba sniffed, and looked around. Everyone was there, from Conan to Aoko's servants. Her father cried. But someone seemed to be missing. Where was…? 

There was a flash of smoke, and the glass shattered. Aoko, somehow unhurt, was in the arms of the elusive Kaitou Kid.

"KID!!" Roared Nakamori. "GIVE MY DAUGHTER BACK!!!"

Kid chuckled softly. "No can do, my dear inspector." He purred. "But I will, in some way." He kissed the girl, and everyone gasped.

Aoko's eyes flew open, and she smacked the magician. So hard, in fact, that she knocked the hat and monocle off. She spat out the apple bit, and glared at the thief, stopping when she recognized the face.

"You're…you're…" She stammered. Kaito grinned at her.

"KUROBA!!!" Hakuba hollered. Heiji and Ariade gaped, Conan and Shinichi hid their grins by looking away, and Akai smoked in the shadows, bored.

She looked at him. "You know, you're actually kind of cute." She said, blushing. Kaito grinned.

"Wanna get married?" He asked, and she squealed in delight as his glider opened up, and he took off. Nakamori was weaving colorful sentences with certain words that will not be repeated as he flew away, Snow White in his arms.

And that was the tale of Snow White.

* * *

**heh heh heh...yeah...**

**everyone's a little OOC here...I seriously had no idea what I was writing when I wrote this- it seems entertaining to me, but probably because it's mostly crack. I MIGHT be able to put out another story for Valentine's day, considering how my birthday, my parent's anniversary, and the holiday turns out. So, hope, but don't hope too hard. **

**R&R!  
Cheers, and Happy Valentine's Day!**


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